Well

That hurt. Way more than it should have. I'm ashamed to say it but it's true. You know I have feelings for you. But even me admitting to you and out loud to myself that I don't have one fucking fighting chance with you because of distance (if only distance) hurt... way more than I wanted.

I want the dreams to end now. I want everything to stop. I want to keep you as my friend. But I fear one day, down the road, I'm going to tell you outright exactly how I feel and just get rejected. I know that actually. And I'm sitting here, crying now because I know the truth, as much as I hate it right now.

I know I'm too far away for you. I know you don't want to experience that pain again. But maybe, if you'll let me somewhere down the road, we could make it work. Maybe down the road I'll get my chance. But I doubt it. You like her, she's closer to home, and you're very much like me: Stubborn as hell when it comes to certain things and this is one of those things. I don't see it changing any time soon. I don't see myself getting a chance. So I guess I'll deal with being alone right now. I'll be content with having you in my life as my friend. I'm going to have to be anyways... my luck isn't going to change.