Now for those of you who don't know, the majority of my senior year was 100% dedicated to two different departments: The art department... and the theatre department. Now I know senior year is late to get into theatre but to be perfectly honest, I always wanted to before my senior year but couldn't because of commitments to track and cross country. After my junior year, I got fed up with track and quit that team, finished my last season of cross country (as team captain for the girls team and warm up leader), and officially joined the National Art Honor Society. Now, I had been struggling for a long time with anxiety and depression, and the one person who made me feel safe at school had left at the end of my junior year. In November, I met someone who would change my life just as much as that other teacher had, but in so many different ways.
November of 2011 I met Neil Truglio, the theatre teacher at Eaglecrest High School. I didn't know it at the time but he would change my life like he would all of the students that he taught and worked with in the theatre department. I don't trust easily but Neil is one of those people you can't help but trust. He is one of those teachers who can see the untapped potential in his students and push them beyond what they think that they can do. He can show the students he works with that it's okay to push on the boundaries and rules, because that's how you grow as an artist.
Now I'm in college as an Art Major but what I learned from Neil... I don't think I will ever be able to learn from anyone else. I learned so much about myself as a person, and I can take some of the lessons that I learned in the one theatre class I was able to take as a senior, and the lessons I learned from him.
Neil is also one of those teachers who actually seems to care about his students. Now I'm not saying that every single teacher only cares about their students to the bare minimum, but Neil goes above and beyond what a normal teacher does. It doesn't seem to matter how late he stays after or what he seems to have going on in his life. If he sees that one of the students that he teaches and works with is in need of an ear for them to talk to and a shoulder for them to cry on, he's there. I can say that he has probably saved a few of those students from an irreversable decision, including myself. I can safely say that Neil is safety for a lot of kids, kids who feel like they aren't safe from the darkness in their minds and of their lives.
Now, the angry portion of the post: When you say that they can use certain things for the show (set pieces etc), especially ones that are actually quite important for a show like Alice in Wonderland, and then REVERSE said decision after the show has already opened, that is when things will get ugly. Neil would NEVER EVER do ANYTHING that would harm a student. If he knew that, no matter if the student practiced being safe on said set piece, if the set piece and how it would be utilized would hurt the student no matter what, HE WOULDN'T DO IT! Neil would never purposely do something that would harm a student. And then when you suspend him and then let the principle of the school tell students and parents alike that he didn't WANT to be at the show, that will light a fire that would be hard to contain. I know Neil and I know that he would 100% want to be there at the closing show, no matter how crappy the other three shows may have gone! He would be there for the students.
Neil cares so much more about his students and all of his students are close to him. So when you lie to them, and to former students, about him not wanting to be there, we know you're lying.
You get rid of Neil and all of the progress and success of the theatre department since he started working at Eaglecrest would go down the drain. You would take away someone who can take an artist and show them how far they can go, when they are just in high school. You would take away someone who actually sincerely cares about his students. You would take away a friend for so many people. Why would you take away someone that is the embodiment of what a teacher should be for the students? Why take away someone who is actually building up your theatre program and leaving a foundation for future students to take and grow?
Art is about bending the rules, about breaking the rules. It's about time that someone does that but now you want to take him away. I hope that the administration of Eaglecrest High School knows that #TeamNeil is stronger and bigger than they may have anticipated. We won't go down without a fight. We won't give up on keeping him in that school. Eaglecrest needs Neil. Those students need him. Don't take him away from them.
NEVER STOP. NEVER SETTLE. NEVER QUIT. NEVER BE SATISFIED. GOOD ENOUGH IS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Chandelier
Dearest Nick,
Today, you released the video for your cover of 'Chandelier' by Sia. I only listened to the song when I discovered that you would be covering it. And I like the original. It's edgy and different. However, your cover has done things to me and made me feel things that I haven't felt in a VERY long time. And no song has ever made me feel like this, cover or original. Now, on your Patreon page, I have stated that I could not describe what I was feeling because your cover is that amazing and that powerful. That rings true. But maybe this will help me figure out exactly what I'm feeling 100% and why it is you and your cover that is bringing these emotions out of me. Even now, I'm just listening to the song and I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a long time.
Nick your cover is haunting and I mean that in the best sense of the word. You can't listen to it and not get chills down your spine. It really takes ahold of you, digs deep into your soul, and does not let go. You sort of find yourself finding that the song, although it deals with the subject of alcoholism, can be applied to any addictive behavior. I've come to understand that the emotions I'm feeling are the emotions I felt when I finally walked away from a terrible, abusive relationship that was wrecking my life. I find that the emotions I'm feeling now are the ones I felt when I finally understand that certain behaviors of mine were completely destroying me and that I wouldn't be alive much longer if I let these terrible addictions control me. Now I'm not telling you this to gain sympathy from you, I don't want that. This is just how I feel and what I'm starting to understand about the emotions that I feel when I listen to this cover and the ones I feel when I watch the video.
With your version, I can step back from the original meaning of the song and see how much it can apply to other addictions, ones that some people may or may not think about. The passion, the sureness, and the conviction with which you sing in this song proves not only how versatile your voice and your stylistic choices for songs is, but how much you love to sing. You bring forth emotions that are incredibly powerful. In the video, your face is what really helps set forth the tone of the song. You can see yourself expressing the feelings that power the song and it's subtle and simplistic, but they are there. And I cannot help but be moved by your facial expressions and your emotions behind it.
Well done Nick Pitera. I bow to you and your ability to use your gift to make people feel powerful emotions that they otherwise may or may not feel. I bow to you and your ability to use your gift to make people feel alive, even with something that is dark and hauntingly beautiful.
<3 <3 <3,
Sierra Nicole Stevens (MrsBillieJean21)
P.S: For the readers who do not know what video I am speaking of, here is a link to it: http://youtu.be/JJ-qJ1lFWB4
Today, you released the video for your cover of 'Chandelier' by Sia. I only listened to the song when I discovered that you would be covering it. And I like the original. It's edgy and different. However, your cover has done things to me and made me feel things that I haven't felt in a VERY long time. And no song has ever made me feel like this, cover or original. Now, on your Patreon page, I have stated that I could not describe what I was feeling because your cover is that amazing and that powerful. That rings true. But maybe this will help me figure out exactly what I'm feeling 100% and why it is you and your cover that is bringing these emotions out of me. Even now, I'm just listening to the song and I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a long time.
Nick your cover is haunting and I mean that in the best sense of the word. You can't listen to it and not get chills down your spine. It really takes ahold of you, digs deep into your soul, and does not let go. You sort of find yourself finding that the song, although it deals with the subject of alcoholism, can be applied to any addictive behavior. I've come to understand that the emotions I'm feeling are the emotions I felt when I finally walked away from a terrible, abusive relationship that was wrecking my life. I find that the emotions I'm feeling now are the ones I felt when I finally understand that certain behaviors of mine were completely destroying me and that I wouldn't be alive much longer if I let these terrible addictions control me. Now I'm not telling you this to gain sympathy from you, I don't want that. This is just how I feel and what I'm starting to understand about the emotions that I feel when I listen to this cover and the ones I feel when I watch the video.
With your version, I can step back from the original meaning of the song and see how much it can apply to other addictions, ones that some people may or may not think about. The passion, the sureness, and the conviction with which you sing in this song proves not only how versatile your voice and your stylistic choices for songs is, but how much you love to sing. You bring forth emotions that are incredibly powerful. In the video, your face is what really helps set forth the tone of the song. You can see yourself expressing the feelings that power the song and it's subtle and simplistic, but they are there. And I cannot help but be moved by your facial expressions and your emotions behind it.
Well done Nick Pitera. I bow to you and your ability to use your gift to make people feel powerful emotions that they otherwise may or may not feel. I bow to you and your ability to use your gift to make people feel alive, even with something that is dark and hauntingly beautiful.
<3 <3 <3,
Sierra Nicole Stevens (MrsBillieJean21)
P.S: For the readers who do not know what video I am speaking of, here is a link to it: http://youtu.be/JJ-qJ1lFWB4
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Nick Pitera Painting: Thoughts, Process, and a backstory
I don't know where to begin this post. It's a long story for me, as I want to talk about some things. But let me start now, this is mostly about a guy named Nick Pitera, and the painting I did of him. It's going to be an artist statement, and me working through my thoughts that I had while I worked through this painting, as well as some memories (good and bad). I hope you guys stick with me because this post will be jumbled and random and I don't know how it'll go xD
First off, let's post few photos of the painting:
This painting I did, it wasn't about my technical skill. It wasn't to prove that I could still paint and do it well and actually create something that looks almost exactly (or exactly) like the subject I'm painting. It was about me being moved by something someone I supported and appreciate and am inspired by and trying to show my appreciation through my art, through a painting. It was about me saying thank you for being such an inspiration and for being one of the main reasons why I feel happy, even when I feel like I shouldn't be happy. Nick is a very wonderful human being and every time I watch his videos, I feel so inspired by them, and happy because there is someone who can do what he do and love it. He's the kind of person I aspire to be like, because let me tell you this: from my experience there is sometimes little kindness directed towards those whom may be odd, different, nerdy, whatever you want to define it as. But, there are people out there, like Nick, who are popular on the internet, people who have thousands of fans around the world, and still are very kind and sweet to their fans, who actually take the time to personally interact with people. That's what I want.
First off, let's post few photos of the painting:
Now here are the technical portions!
Size: 30inx30in (or 2 1/2feet by 2 1/2feet)
Media: Acrylic on Canvas
Time: 3-4 days (about 3 to 4 hours per day. I did have to sleep and go to my job as a cashier at Wendys, where I spend the majority of my time when I'm not at school)
Source Photo:
I took the original photo (which I found on Google of course), converted it to black and white and then... well I painted. I didn't have as much paint as I was expecting, and the tubes of color I did have were running low so I was hoping I would have enough of. I improvised in a few places but that's okay. I'm an artist and artists improvise, change, and take artistic license with things. We learn the rules, and then break them. It's totally cool :) And I won't lie, I can usually knock out a decent sized portrait in about 3-4 hours in one sitting (as long as I don't get distracted/interrupted). But of course, I'm an adult with a job and school and stuff to do. I was lucky I was about to spend around 4 hours a day over the course of 3-4 days and got this painting done. I have never done anything this large before.
The background, his hair and his jacket are more... stroke-oriented than his face is. My backgrounds are always pretty stroke-oriented, more abstracty than anything. I like doing those. It's also green, which is his favorite color (and subsequently mine as well!). Jacket is black and white because, again, artistic license and such (the color in the original photo is red but I like the black and white in my painting xD).
Originally, I was filming myself painting and was going to make a youtube video out of the clips (and I have all the clips I did end up filming). But part way through I was getting really frustrated and stopped filming. I think that helped me get through the rest of the painting. Because once I stopped filming, I was able to fix the issues I was having (for the most part), and was a bit more relaxed through the process.
Backstory and Thoughts:
(WARNING! Some of this is really rambly and not stuff I usually share with the world. Sorry in advance)
SO! A little about my back story. Once upon a time, about 7 years ago now, I was nothing more than a very lonely, sad young Sierra. Tired of being picked on for being weird and different, feeling lonely all the time, had very few (if any) real friends. Displayed all the signs of being depressed at 13 years old. Spent a lot of time in the darkness of my bedroom, alone, staring at my ceiling because I had no interest in anything. Trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
Then I found youtube on the internet one day. And it was glorious! Spent a lot of time looking up clips from my favorite musicals, CATS, RENT, Sweeney Todd, Phantom of the Opera, and Grease. Then, just before I went into High School, I found the other side of youtube. The Vloggers, the YouTube singers, the parody channels, the skits. I found it and it was as if my entire life had changed because I found this channel. I noticed that I was happiest when I was painting/drawing and watching these really awesome people on YouTube.
I found quite a few people that I felt connected to and inspired by that year (Corey Vidal of Apprentice A, Charles Trippy of CTFxC, ShayCarl and the Shaytards, DaveDays, Sam Tsui, iJustine and so many more). But one of the people that I found on YouTube that stood out a lot to me was this guy named Nick Pitera. And if you've never heard of him.... well you're missing out. He has this really amazing thing... he has a low register and a high register. Meaning: He can sing and sound like a girl AND a dude (and he is a dude, if you haven't figured that out yet). It's crazy what he can do with his voice. It's just... amazing. I kind of wish I could even sing because let me tell you... I'd kill to do the things he can do with his voice when he sings (and I'm a girl so... let's just leave it at I wish I could sing as well as he can).
I watched all of his videos, have seen every single one at least once and most of them multiple times. And as the years went one, I always had somehow found my way to his videos at varying points, seemingly when I needed to be inspired by them.
I was in and out of a very serious relationship for all of my high school year, and for about two years after I graduated with someone who continuously hurt me and used me. I fell in and out of depression, dealing with my relationship (which was and still is, one of my biggest secrets to date), still sort of being picked on DESPITE me becoming very reclusive and not really interacting with people. Again, I was literally at my happiest when I was alone in a room, painting and watching youtube videos. Whether it'd be vlogs or youtube musicians or skits or parodies or whatever, I was watching youtube like people would watch tv.
So what does this have to do with Nick Pitera you may ask? How does he relate to all this? Well it's like this: He launched his Patreon page a little over a month ago (I'm pretty sure it's been more than a month. Time blends together during the summer xD), and I decided to become one of his Patreon supporters. Because of the amount of money I decided to pledge for each video that he makes, he followed me on Twitter.
NOW let me make this VERY CLEAR right here and now: I DID NOT pledge the amount that I did just so I could get followed by him on twitter. He is very very talented and I believe in him as a singer. I believe in him as an artist and if there's one thing I like doing that's not related to me painting or drawing or to tattoos, it's helping and supporting other artists, even in areas where I have no business in because they're not my areas of art. I pledge because Nick is talented and I wanted to help him make some of the best videos that he can make (and trust me, even the videos where it's him just singing into a mic in his backyard or in his house are pretty amazing).
Anyways (now that that's out of the way)... I've been very lucky to interact with him as much as I have since I started supporting him on Patreon. I knew he was a really nice guy with a lot of talent (and good looks too but that isn't the point of this post) but man.... he's proven just how sweet and nice he is time and time and time again. It blows me away.
So two weeks ago, I did a color pencil drawing of him. It's good, actually a pretty good colored pencil for me (and I suck at colored pencil). Here it is actually:
(now I'm not too happy with how the photograph of the drawing came out but let me assure you, it's 100% better in real life than the photo is showing now!).
After doing this, I did a self portrait, and then decided: I need to do a painting. And around the time I decided to do another painting, his cover of Sam Smith's Stay With Me came out. And it was brilliant. It's beautiful and full of emotion and I was floored by it. Decided then and there to do another painting of him.
This painting I did, it wasn't about my technical skill. It wasn't to prove that I could still paint and do it well and actually create something that looks almost exactly (or exactly) like the subject I'm painting. It was about me being moved by something someone I supported and appreciate and am inspired by and trying to show my appreciation through my art, through a painting. It was about me saying thank you for being such an inspiration and for being one of the main reasons why I feel happy, even when I feel like I shouldn't be happy. Nick is a very wonderful human being and every time I watch his videos, I feel so inspired by them, and happy because there is someone who can do what he do and love it. He's the kind of person I aspire to be like, because let me tell you this: from my experience there is sometimes little kindness directed towards those whom may be odd, different, nerdy, whatever you want to define it as. But, there are people out there, like Nick, who are popular on the internet, people who have thousands of fans around the world, and still are very kind and sweet to their fans, who actually take the time to personally interact with people. That's what I want.
I'm not saying I want to be famous on YouTube or out in the 'real world' (as if youtube wasn't real xD Because it is and I don't care who says otherwise, at this point I'd rather meet youtube celebrities than the 'real' ones xD) or being a known artist around the world. I'm saying that I want to inspire people around me and help them and show them a little bit of kindness like Nick has. Because believe it or not, there are a lot of people out there who don't show kindness to others. And maybe just maybe, if I can show someone half the amount of kindness and sweetness that Nick has shown me and his other fans, and maybe inspire someone half as much as Nick has inspired me, then my life would be pretty darn complete.
So a little message to Nick now: Thank you. Thank you for being as sweet and kind as you are. Thank you for sharing your crazy amazing ability to sing on YouTube. Thank you for being you and for inspiring me, and others. I can't tell you how much it means to me. So I hope you enjoy the painting because that's how I know how to express my thanks sometimes, just through a painting xD and I know I'm weird, really excitable and sometimes a bit overbearing and I'm sorry for that. But you're awesome and I'm pretty proud of call you my lovely Internet friend (even though you're pretty popular on youtube and I am a fan of your work). I hope you like the painting!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Chills up and down my arms
I wish I could explain the chills I get when I hear certain people sing. It's like... they're voices and only they're voices can illicit this response from me. It feels like they're reaching into my soul and touching something that even I can't see. Why is this?
Curious about the people that can do this? Here's my list!
1)Michael Jackson
2)Travis Clark
3)Nick Pitera
4)Nick Lachey (What's Left of Me)
5)Adam Pascal
6)Anthony Rapp
Yeah. All are amazing singers and insanely talented. And for some reason, doesn't matter how many times I've heard them sing a particular song (or anything really)... every single damn time I get chills hearing their voices.
Can anyone explain this?
Curious about the people that can do this? Here's my list!
1)Michael Jackson
2)Travis Clark
3)Nick Pitera
4)Nick Lachey (What's Left of Me)
5)Adam Pascal
6)Anthony Rapp
Yeah. All are amazing singers and insanely talented. And for some reason, doesn't matter how many times I've heard them sing a particular song (or anything really)... every single damn time I get chills hearing their voices.
Can anyone explain this?
Monday, May 5, 2014
Never Can Say Goodbye/ tired ramblings of a mountain dew addict
As the school year draws to a close, I find myself procrastinating on papers, like usual, and musing over things and people and the adventures I've had.
I've said goodbye, finally, to the person who hurt me most in the world, even when he was the most important to me. Justin, I love you. I will always love you. But you knew this and you twisted it into something so very dark and twisted. You used it against me for 6 years and now here I am, hurting and trying to fit the pieces back together. I was ready to give up my whole life to you. I already gave you my heart and soul. And now I've been forced to say goodbye because I was tired of being hurt by you. I was tired of loving someone who consistently changed his mind about me, was tired of loving someone who wasn't going to love me back.
I've also realized that I dream of certain people when I'm stressed out. I've realized how much my soul yearns for them when I'm tired, overworked, overbooked on my schedule, stressed, and ready to just sit on the floor and cry for hours like a baby. At night, when I do get the few hours of sleep that I can manage, I find them in my dreams. Not together, because that'd be weird, but one dream features one person, another dream features the other. I wake up the next day with a sharp pain of longing in my chest for them and how I felt in the dreams with them.
At the beginning of the school year, I use to think that I needed someone to lean on to hold me up. But I've realized that I'm perfectly capable of holding myself up and together, as long as I believed in myself. I don't know when this change occurred or why it occurred glad that it did happen.
Nothing in this makes sense because I did not sleep last night. I closed at work, got home close to 3am and didn't go to bed. So now I'm tired and cranky and not making sense
I've said goodbye, finally, to the person who hurt me most in the world, even when he was the most important to me. Justin, I love you. I will always love you. But you knew this and you twisted it into something so very dark and twisted. You used it against me for 6 years and now here I am, hurting and trying to fit the pieces back together. I was ready to give up my whole life to you. I already gave you my heart and soul. And now I've been forced to say goodbye because I was tired of being hurt by you. I was tired of loving someone who consistently changed his mind about me, was tired of loving someone who wasn't going to love me back.
I've also realized that I dream of certain people when I'm stressed out. I've realized how much my soul yearns for them when I'm tired, overworked, overbooked on my schedule, stressed, and ready to just sit on the floor and cry for hours like a baby. At night, when I do get the few hours of sleep that I can manage, I find them in my dreams. Not together, because that'd be weird, but one dream features one person, another dream features the other. I wake up the next day with a sharp pain of longing in my chest for them and how I felt in the dreams with them.
At the beginning of the school year, I use to think that I needed someone to lean on to hold me up. But I've realized that I'm perfectly capable of holding myself up and together, as long as I believed in myself. I don't know when this change occurred or why it occurred glad that it did happen.
Nothing in this makes sense because I did not sleep last night. I closed at work, got home close to 3am and didn't go to bed. So now I'm tired and cranky and not making sense
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Goodbye to Anger
You know waking up one day and hearing that the people who made you feel safe and comfortable around people for the first time in a long time dislike you because they are under the belief that you have a weird creepy crush on a common teacher, you can't help but stop. It's a weird feeling to find that out.
Why is it that just because I spend a lot of time around someone, teachers included, that it automatically means that I have a crush on them? Especially when a teacher is involved? Where in the unwritten rules of life does it say that that has to be a thing?
Why can't a person get to know another person and their life stories and what not before making these assumptions? I mean... I just don't understand. So this is being addressed to the theatre kids of Eaglecrest High School:
I met you guys in November of my Senior year. I willingly gave up my time to come and help paint your sets. I was awkward and anxious around y'all, trying to stay quiet and out of the way. And I grew to like you guys, grew to think fondly of EVERYBODY there. That's why I stayed on for Cabaret. I genuinely enjoyed being around all of you, even the people whom my gut told me to be cautious around.
But how many of you actually took the time to get to know me? How many of you took the time to find out that I was in a fairly serious relationship at the time that was at the breaking point? How many of you took the time to find out that my life began to fall apart my junior year and that the wall around all the negative thoughts and feelings and memories that I had built to protect myself crumbled? How many of you took the time to find out that I needed someone near me that I trusted to help make me feel safe in a world that told me that I was not wanted? How many of you knew that the one person who did this for me so very willingly when he had issues of his own to deal with left at the end of my junior year, leaving me alone to try and finish fitting the pieces together? How many of you know that Neil was the first person in a long time other than the teacher that held me together my junior year that even made me feel calm and at peace with myself, the first one in a while who made me feel like I was being valued and wanted? How many of you knew about the things I talked about with Neil or why I spent so much time around him?
The answer is none of you. None of you even gave me a chance. You tolerated me. You put up with me because I was saving you guys time by painting your sets for you when I could have walked away. I thought you guys were more mature than that. I thought you guys had better COMMON SENSE than that! I felt comfortable around you guys and then two years later I learn that you guys think I have some creepy crush on Neil. No. Neil is a good friend, and one of the very few people I trust for advice. You guys must have someone that you trust with your darkest secrets, the most vulnerable parts of you. Hell some of you trust Neil with those secrets, the way I trust him with mine.
Let me give y'all some life advice now: Grow up. This is not how you want to present yourselves to the adult world. Do not let yourselves be blinded by situations such as this where you do not have all of the information. Get to know someone and their life stories and the reasoning behind some of their actions BEFORE you start to make accusations such as this. Preconceived accusations will get you nowhere and it could all be a costly mistake for someone in the adult world.
I never had a crush on Neil. I never will. That's all I have to say about that.
Why is it that just because I spend a lot of time around someone, teachers included, that it automatically means that I have a crush on them? Especially when a teacher is involved? Where in the unwritten rules of life does it say that that has to be a thing?
Why can't a person get to know another person and their life stories and what not before making these assumptions? I mean... I just don't understand. So this is being addressed to the theatre kids of Eaglecrest High School:
I met you guys in November of my Senior year. I willingly gave up my time to come and help paint your sets. I was awkward and anxious around y'all, trying to stay quiet and out of the way. And I grew to like you guys, grew to think fondly of EVERYBODY there. That's why I stayed on for Cabaret. I genuinely enjoyed being around all of you, even the people whom my gut told me to be cautious around.
But how many of you actually took the time to get to know me? How many of you took the time to find out that I was in a fairly serious relationship at the time that was at the breaking point? How many of you took the time to find out that my life began to fall apart my junior year and that the wall around all the negative thoughts and feelings and memories that I had built to protect myself crumbled? How many of you took the time to find out that I needed someone near me that I trusted to help make me feel safe in a world that told me that I was not wanted? How many of you knew that the one person who did this for me so very willingly when he had issues of his own to deal with left at the end of my junior year, leaving me alone to try and finish fitting the pieces together? How many of you know that Neil was the first person in a long time other than the teacher that held me together my junior year that even made me feel calm and at peace with myself, the first one in a while who made me feel like I was being valued and wanted? How many of you knew about the things I talked about with Neil or why I spent so much time around him?
The answer is none of you. None of you even gave me a chance. You tolerated me. You put up with me because I was saving you guys time by painting your sets for you when I could have walked away. I thought you guys were more mature than that. I thought you guys had better COMMON SENSE than that! I felt comfortable around you guys and then two years later I learn that you guys think I have some creepy crush on Neil. No. Neil is a good friend, and one of the very few people I trust for advice. You guys must have someone that you trust with your darkest secrets, the most vulnerable parts of you. Hell some of you trust Neil with those secrets, the way I trust him with mine.
Let me give y'all some life advice now: Grow up. This is not how you want to present yourselves to the adult world. Do not let yourselves be blinded by situations such as this where you do not have all of the information. Get to know someone and their life stories and the reasoning behind some of their actions BEFORE you start to make accusations such as this. Preconceived accusations will get you nowhere and it could all be a costly mistake for someone in the adult world.
I never had a crush on Neil. I never will. That's all I have to say about that.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Life's journeys and lessons
So recently, it was announced that two of my FAVORITE people in the entire world were separating. Charles and Alli of the youtube channel CtfxC separated. I woke up to my phone being blown up by twitter, with people freaking out. I didn't know at the time what was going on until I saw the vlog that Charles had posted for that day.
Was I shocked? Yes. Was I upset? Yes. Did I freak out? No. I understood. There are things in life that I learned early on that others were either learning for the first time or relearning do to the situation happening by what was one of the most inspirational couples on the internet.
I don't want to say that I'm an expert, because I'm not. I'm never going to be an expert. BUT I do want to say a few things.
1. life happens. Shit gets real sometimes and you sort of have to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and take it one day at a time.
2. Love isn't always guaranteed to last. People fall in love and out of love all the time. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. Some people are lucky enough to where they get to go through their adult lives married and in love with the same person that they met in high school or college. Some aren't. For those who aren't that lucky, we have to show them our love and support to help get them through the difficult times, so they know they aren't alone.
3. People hurt other people. We CtfxCers have a lot of questions as to what may have led to it. Did someone hurt the other person somehow? What happened? It's not our place to ask though because we are viewers and we aren't part of their lives like their family and friends. But, still, we just have to remind BOTH of them that we are all here for them and maybe that idea will comfort them a bit.
TO THE PEOPLE HATING ON ALLI! please stop it! She doesn't deserve the hate. We don't know what happened and therefore we cannot automatically blame her and back Charles. Alli got so much hate in the last few years on the vlogs anyways, She doesn't deserve more. Plus Charles has asked us that we are respectful towards her as well because it's hard on her as well. We can't forget that she has feelings and she may be just as upset and hurt and angry at the situation as Charles is. Do not form 'Team Charles' and 'Team Alli'. It's not fair to either of them.
To Charles and Alli: If you are reading this and had been reading thus far I want you to know that you are both very loved and that no matter what, you have the people of the world behind you. Together you guys created a brilliant army of fans/viewers who would move the sun, the moon, the stars, and the Earth for BOTH of you. I love you both so very very much and wanted to remind you guys that this is what life is about: getting through the hard parts so you can enjoy the brilliant parts. And remember that a dear friend of yours once wrote this in a very amazing novel: "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you."
Was I shocked? Yes. Was I upset? Yes. Did I freak out? No. I understood. There are things in life that I learned early on that others were either learning for the first time or relearning do to the situation happening by what was one of the most inspirational couples on the internet.
I don't want to say that I'm an expert, because I'm not. I'm never going to be an expert. BUT I do want to say a few things.
1. life happens. Shit gets real sometimes and you sort of have to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and take it one day at a time.
2. Love isn't always guaranteed to last. People fall in love and out of love all the time. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. Some people are lucky enough to where they get to go through their adult lives married and in love with the same person that they met in high school or college. Some aren't. For those who aren't that lucky, we have to show them our love and support to help get them through the difficult times, so they know they aren't alone.
3. People hurt other people. We CtfxCers have a lot of questions as to what may have led to it. Did someone hurt the other person somehow? What happened? It's not our place to ask though because we are viewers and we aren't part of their lives like their family and friends. But, still, we just have to remind BOTH of them that we are all here for them and maybe that idea will comfort them a bit.
TO THE PEOPLE HATING ON ALLI! please stop it! She doesn't deserve the hate. We don't know what happened and therefore we cannot automatically blame her and back Charles. Alli got so much hate in the last few years on the vlogs anyways, She doesn't deserve more. Plus Charles has asked us that we are respectful towards her as well because it's hard on her as well. We can't forget that she has feelings and she may be just as upset and hurt and angry at the situation as Charles is. Do not form 'Team Charles' and 'Team Alli'. It's not fair to either of them.
To Charles and Alli: If you are reading this and had been reading thus far I want you to know that you are both very loved and that no matter what, you have the people of the world behind you. Together you guys created a brilliant army of fans/viewers who would move the sun, the moon, the stars, and the Earth for BOTH of you. I love you both so very very much and wanted to remind you guys that this is what life is about: getting through the hard parts so you can enjoy the brilliant parts. And remember that a dear friend of yours once wrote this in a very amazing novel: "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you."
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Hello again my most familiar and unwanted feelings of doubt
It's nearing 1am and I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I'd pop in here real quick before I went to bed.
First thing's first: All A's last semester!!! Very proud of my GPA
Second: I'm the new safety marshall at work! I get a raise of 25 cents on my pay check (but only after my third meeting supposedly).
Third: I met someone.
Well I didn't necessarily JUST meet him. We did meet at a former friend's 21st bday party when I was completely trashed. We work in two different fast food restaurants very near one another so we'd see each other every now and again and saw each other on the train going to school. But just recently, we actually started hanging out. And I've realized that... he's the first person since I certain someone from my sort of near but sort of not near past that has actually been able to make me laugh (and I'm not including Evan in this since we're just friends). And I mean really, deeply get me to laugh. He's dorky and nerdy and funny and just amazing. I can't even begin to describe him to you.
We're not together but already we've had a cuddle/movie 'date'. That's right. We cuddled together on the second time we hung out (thankfully his roommate was not there for this one). We watched Star Wars (EPIC WIN!!!!) and he held me close and it was AMAZING! He's such a sweetheart.
But of course, with this new revelation comes my normal feelings: doubt, worry, anxiety. I over think everything, especially the stuff where I feel like I'm REALLY annoying him and he's just too nice to tell me. I mean... that's happened often enough where it's valid stuff.
I'm just hoping this will go somewhere. I don't think I'd let him cuddle me if it wasn't going to go somewhere and I don't think he'd cuddle someone if it wasn't potentially going somewhere. But I can't read too much into this stuff.
Also: I was right about something I had not told you guys about. So one of my managers at work/one of my friend's recently broke up with her BF. I had noticed for a while that the GM of another Wendy's (one that we trained and was our GM for a while while we were waiting for our new GM to get transferred over to our store from her original store) had been flirting with her and what not. Well come to find out that AFTER (and this is key because she wouldn't break the rules if he was still our GM) he transferred back and she had broken up with her BF, they started dating. Now he knew I knew before even she did, which is hilarious because most people don't pick up on that sort of thing.
Honestly I"m happy for them. They're a cute couple (even if I don't say so in front of my coworkers since they think it's weird and it won't last). He makes her happy. I haven't seen her this happy in a while and it makes me happy that she's happy.
Anyways that's all the news I have for now. Gotta go to bed and get some sleep at some point right??? Good night world! Love you all! I'll try and post more often, especially if something happens between me and my friend!
Au Revoir mon chou chous ;D
First thing's first: All A's last semester!!! Very proud of my GPA
Second: I'm the new safety marshall at work! I get a raise of 25 cents on my pay check (but only after my third meeting supposedly).
Third: I met someone.
Well I didn't necessarily JUST meet him. We did meet at a former friend's 21st bday party when I was completely trashed. We work in two different fast food restaurants very near one another so we'd see each other every now and again and saw each other on the train going to school. But just recently, we actually started hanging out. And I've realized that... he's the first person since I certain someone from my sort of near but sort of not near past that has actually been able to make me laugh (and I'm not including Evan in this since we're just friends). And I mean really, deeply get me to laugh. He's dorky and nerdy and funny and just amazing. I can't even begin to describe him to you.
We're not together but already we've had a cuddle/movie 'date'. That's right. We cuddled together on the second time we hung out (thankfully his roommate was not there for this one). We watched Star Wars (EPIC WIN!!!!) and he held me close and it was AMAZING! He's such a sweetheart.
But of course, with this new revelation comes my normal feelings: doubt, worry, anxiety. I over think everything, especially the stuff where I feel like I'm REALLY annoying him and he's just too nice to tell me. I mean... that's happened often enough where it's valid stuff.
I'm just hoping this will go somewhere. I don't think I'd let him cuddle me if it wasn't going to go somewhere and I don't think he'd cuddle someone if it wasn't potentially going somewhere. But I can't read too much into this stuff.
Also: I was right about something I had not told you guys about. So one of my managers at work/one of my friend's recently broke up with her BF. I had noticed for a while that the GM of another Wendy's (one that we trained and was our GM for a while while we were waiting for our new GM to get transferred over to our store from her original store) had been flirting with her and what not. Well come to find out that AFTER (and this is key because she wouldn't break the rules if he was still our GM) he transferred back and she had broken up with her BF, they started dating. Now he knew I knew before even she did, which is hilarious because most people don't pick up on that sort of thing.
Honestly I"m happy for them. They're a cute couple (even if I don't say so in front of my coworkers since they think it's weird and it won't last). He makes her happy. I haven't seen her this happy in a while and it makes me happy that she's happy.
Anyways that's all the news I have for now. Gotta go to bed and get some sleep at some point right??? Good night world! Love you all! I'll try and post more often, especially if something happens between me and my friend!
Au Revoir mon chou chous ;D
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