You know waking up one day and hearing that the people who made you feel safe and comfortable around people for the first time in a long time dislike you because they are under the belief that you have a weird creepy crush on a common teacher, you can't help but stop. It's a weird feeling to find that out.
Why is it that just because I spend a lot of time around someone, teachers included, that it automatically means that I have a crush on them? Especially when a teacher is involved? Where in the unwritten rules of life does it say that that has to be a thing?
Why can't a person get to know another person and their life stories and what not before making these assumptions? I mean... I just don't understand. So this is being addressed to the theatre kids of Eaglecrest High School:
I met you guys in November of my Senior year. I willingly gave up my time to come and help paint your sets. I was awkward and anxious around y'all, trying to stay quiet and out of the way. And I grew to like you guys, grew to think fondly of EVERYBODY there. That's why I stayed on for Cabaret. I genuinely enjoyed being around all of you, even the people whom my gut told me to be cautious around.
But how many of you actually took the time to get to know me? How many of you took the time to find out that I was in a fairly serious relationship at the time that was at the breaking point? How many of you took the time to find out that my life began to fall apart my junior year and that the wall around all the negative thoughts and feelings and memories that I had built to protect myself crumbled? How many of you took the time to find out that I needed someone near me that I trusted to help make me feel safe in a world that told me that I was not wanted? How many of you knew that the one person who did this for me so very willingly when he had issues of his own to deal with left at the end of my junior year, leaving me alone to try and finish fitting the pieces together? How many of you know that Neil was the first person in a long time other than the teacher that held me together my junior year that even made me feel calm and at peace with myself, the first one in a while who made me feel like I was being valued and wanted? How many of you knew about the things I talked about with Neil or why I spent so much time around him?
The answer is none of you. None of you even gave me a chance. You tolerated me. You put up with me because I was saving you guys time by painting your sets for you when I could have walked away. I thought you guys were more mature than that. I thought you guys had better COMMON SENSE than that! I felt comfortable around you guys and then two years later I learn that you guys think I have some creepy crush on Neil. No. Neil is a good friend, and one of the very few people I trust for advice. You guys must have someone that you trust with your darkest secrets, the most vulnerable parts of you. Hell some of you trust Neil with those secrets, the way I trust him with mine.
Let me give y'all some life advice now: Grow up. This is not how you want to present yourselves to the adult world. Do not let yourselves be blinded by situations such as this where you do not have all of the information. Get to know someone and their life stories and the reasoning behind some of their actions BEFORE you start to make accusations such as this. Preconceived accusations will get you nowhere and it could all be a costly mistake for someone in the adult world.
I never had a crush on Neil. I never will. That's all I have to say about that.
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Life's journeys and lessons
So recently, it was announced that two of my FAVORITE people in the entire world were separating. Charles and Alli of the youtube channel CtfxC separated. I woke up to my phone being blown up by twitter, with people freaking out. I didn't know at the time what was going on until I saw the vlog that Charles had posted for that day.
Was I shocked? Yes. Was I upset? Yes. Did I freak out? No. I understood. There are things in life that I learned early on that others were either learning for the first time or relearning do to the situation happening by what was one of the most inspirational couples on the internet.
I don't want to say that I'm an expert, because I'm not. I'm never going to be an expert. BUT I do want to say a few things.
1. life happens. Shit gets real sometimes and you sort of have to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and take it one day at a time.
2. Love isn't always guaranteed to last. People fall in love and out of love all the time. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. Some people are lucky enough to where they get to go through their adult lives married and in love with the same person that they met in high school or college. Some aren't. For those who aren't that lucky, we have to show them our love and support to help get them through the difficult times, so they know they aren't alone.
3. People hurt other people. We CtfxCers have a lot of questions as to what may have led to it. Did someone hurt the other person somehow? What happened? It's not our place to ask though because we are viewers and we aren't part of their lives like their family and friends. But, still, we just have to remind BOTH of them that we are all here for them and maybe that idea will comfort them a bit.
TO THE PEOPLE HATING ON ALLI! please stop it! She doesn't deserve the hate. We don't know what happened and therefore we cannot automatically blame her and back Charles. Alli got so much hate in the last few years on the vlogs anyways, She doesn't deserve more. Plus Charles has asked us that we are respectful towards her as well because it's hard on her as well. We can't forget that she has feelings and she may be just as upset and hurt and angry at the situation as Charles is. Do not form 'Team Charles' and 'Team Alli'. It's not fair to either of them.
To Charles and Alli: If you are reading this and had been reading thus far I want you to know that you are both very loved and that no matter what, you have the people of the world behind you. Together you guys created a brilliant army of fans/viewers who would move the sun, the moon, the stars, and the Earth for BOTH of you. I love you both so very very much and wanted to remind you guys that this is what life is about: getting through the hard parts so you can enjoy the brilliant parts. And remember that a dear friend of yours once wrote this in a very amazing novel: "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you."
Was I shocked? Yes. Was I upset? Yes. Did I freak out? No. I understood. There are things in life that I learned early on that others were either learning for the first time or relearning do to the situation happening by what was one of the most inspirational couples on the internet.
I don't want to say that I'm an expert, because I'm not. I'm never going to be an expert. BUT I do want to say a few things.
1. life happens. Shit gets real sometimes and you sort of have to take a step back, evaluate the situation, and take it one day at a time.
2. Love isn't always guaranteed to last. People fall in love and out of love all the time. Sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once. Some people are lucky enough to where they get to go through their adult lives married and in love with the same person that they met in high school or college. Some aren't. For those who aren't that lucky, we have to show them our love and support to help get them through the difficult times, so they know they aren't alone.
3. People hurt other people. We CtfxCers have a lot of questions as to what may have led to it. Did someone hurt the other person somehow? What happened? It's not our place to ask though because we are viewers and we aren't part of their lives like their family and friends. But, still, we just have to remind BOTH of them that we are all here for them and maybe that idea will comfort them a bit.
TO THE PEOPLE HATING ON ALLI! please stop it! She doesn't deserve the hate. We don't know what happened and therefore we cannot automatically blame her and back Charles. Alli got so much hate in the last few years on the vlogs anyways, She doesn't deserve more. Plus Charles has asked us that we are respectful towards her as well because it's hard on her as well. We can't forget that she has feelings and she may be just as upset and hurt and angry at the situation as Charles is. Do not form 'Team Charles' and 'Team Alli'. It's not fair to either of them.
To Charles and Alli: If you are reading this and had been reading thus far I want you to know that you are both very loved and that no matter what, you have the people of the world behind you. Together you guys created a brilliant army of fans/viewers who would move the sun, the moon, the stars, and the Earth for BOTH of you. I love you both so very very much and wanted to remind you guys that this is what life is about: getting through the hard parts so you can enjoy the brilliant parts. And remember that a dear friend of yours once wrote this in a very amazing novel: "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have some say in who hurts you."
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